Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Talk To Me ♥1: You want to date a Korean guy? Then this is what to be expected!

It seems like Korean guys are in demand because many of my single girlfriends have been telling me how much they’d like to learn Korean to date Korean boys. Well well. Quite understandable considering how men are portrayed in all these Korean MVs, dramas, and movies. But really, that’s like saying I want to date a Lawyer after watching Suite. Unfortunately, boys are boys – even in Korea. They sometimes go MIA (missing in action), put friends over you, breaks your heart, forget your birthday etc. But I must say that there is some merit to Korean boys’ dating style that is hard to match. So here, I list out some of the common occurrences of dating a Korean guy based on my personal experience and of the experiences of my lovely Korean girlfriends. Note that there are many Korean guys out there, and there are many exceptions. This is just my personal experience, please read it with a light heart.

Since I am dating a Korean guy I think now I have some credits to tell you what it’s like to date a Korean guy.

So what is it like to have a Korean boyfriend?

 ♥ Korean guys are great at keeping in touch, constantly. This made it hard for me to adapt to other guys that were texting 2,3 messages per day or every two three days because Korean guys will text you every day. Many also call you every day. It’s not that they’re more/less into you; I think it’s a norm. You get freaking spoiled (sometimes annoyed) by how much they will contact you, but this means anxiety triples when they become missing in action.

 Do dress up on your dates because these Korean boys will dress up/suit up every time they take you out. It’s not uncommon for a guy to show up wearing a shirt, khaki, a blazer, matching shoes, and perfectly done hair – to a date at an amusement park. They often dress like they've popped out of print ads in magazines. Some extremely self-aware guys would put on bb-cream, color contact lens (this one is more rare), and fake heels inside the shoes. (My boyfriend didn't but some Korean guys did this.) But don’t be too impressed because it’s probably 50% for other people to see, 30% for themselves, and 20% for you. Regardless, it’s good to see guys putting as much effort into looking nice and “dolling” up, but they would expect you to do the same.

 I heard in some countries, guys stop paying after 2,3 dates, or even on second dates it’s common to go dutch. In Korea, I don’t think I used more than $5 on a date for the first 20 dates or so. Although there seems to be a shift in this dynamic very recently, it’s still very normal for guys to be the one getting tab all the time. Once you get serious, then the paying becomes a bit more even, maybe girls pay 3:7/4:6. Most of the time, they don’t want you to pay. You can easily get used to this - oops! I sound like such a bad person in hindsight - But there are consequences that follow. For instance, while it’s extremely subtle, they may exert more authority or expect you to show more “child-like” behaviors. It can be patronizing at times.

♥ In Korea, age determines how you refer to one another (unlike in Indonesia where everyone calls each other names). When a guy is older than a girl, the girl refers to this guy as “Oppa.” But it really doesn't matter how old you are, because if a guy is interested in you, he’ll try to act like an Oppa anyways. I’m sure most of you have heard of this phrase through Psy’s Gangnam Style. This phrase carries an odd mix of varying sentiments that ranges from being responsible, protective, to having more power, status, and right. One thing that Korean guys seem to enjoy doing is refer to themselves as “Oppa.” For instance, instead of saying “I’ll buy you dinner/I’ll do that for you,” they will say “Oppa will buy you dinner/ Oppa will do that for you.” Seriously, when a guy that I’m not too interested does this, every bit of hair on my body stands up. Good thing that comes with this phenomenon is that Korean guys in general are very responsible and almost trained to take care of girls in all ways possible.

 When walking on the sidewalk, they always make sure they are on the outer lane closer to the cars

 They will take off their coat for you in cold weather

 They arrive ten minutes early to dates and don’t mind waiting few minutes (I think some expect girls to be late).

 Anything heavy or difficult to do, they feel responsible to solve/do it for the girl.

 If you call them for help in the middle of the night (even at 2,3 in the morning), most of them will help you

 So one of the oddest/coolest part of Korean dating culture is that couples celebrate gazillion and one things. Let me list a few that I have celebrated:

1 month (2 month, 3 month and so on), 100th day, 200th day, 300th day (and counting - I have reached the 600th day), 1 year, Valentine’s day, White day, Christmas, Children’s day, Pepero day, Rose day, Kiss day, Thanksgiving, New Years, and of course birthdays.

 On these occasions, I've learned that girls should expect the guy to prepare some sort of “surprise” – it’s not very surprising once you realize that it’s always going to be a bouquet of roses, a teddy bear, cake, and candles. But still, it’s very sweet that guys will go such lengths to do things for the girls they like. It’s tiring on guys, you’d say? But sometimes it’s the guys that are more into stuff like this. As much as guys go crazy with these celebrations, girls also put equal effort in preparing – often some hand-made stuff for their special other.

 Another thing that Korean boyfriends commonly suggest are couple items like couple rings (makes it hard to tell who is married or just dating), couple shoes, couple cellphone cases, couple smartphones, couple data plan (where you have unlimited data between you two), couple diary, couple chat application, couple (fill in your own blank). I know many of my non-Korean friends find this freaky, but I must say couple things are kind of cute. You get used to it.

In general, Korean guys are more “hardworking” when it comes to relationships. But that doesn't mean its all roses and butterflies; there are also things that are particularly stressful when dating Korean guys..

 I guess all this chivalry comes with consequences. Not all, but surely many Korean boyfriends will ask to check your phone, kakaotalk or what-nots. They expect to know your entire schedule in and out and also expects you to update him on your life constantly. This can be a bit frustrating, but girls often expect the same from guys so it’s a mutual thing I suppose. - Fortunately my boyfriend never check my phone and I did the same as well - It’s always really hard to have a girl’s night out if one of the girl is in a relationship. Getting permission almost never worked because they’d be calling constantly and checking up on her. 

 The tolerance of acceptable interaction with the opposite gender is vastly lower for couples in Korea.

Some things that I witnessed Korean couples often fight about:

- Tex-ting an opposite gender

- Calling an opposite gender

- Talking to an opposite gender

- Looking at an opposite gender

So basically anything that has to do with the opposite gender is a no. Okay, I may be exaggerating a tiny bit, but Korean couples tend to be extremely bonded and with such bond comes such craziness. I guess people are crazy when they’re in love. (once again, me and my boyfriend never have this kind of jealousy lol I don't know why. Not all of Korean guys are like this okay.)

 I think breakups rarely end in good terms among Korean couples. I rarely see Korean couples continuing to be friends after a break-up. 

♥ Meeting friends of a Korean boyfriend is one of the most stressful parts of the ordeal. So in my experience, they put you on a pedestal and subtlety judge you. Once you break into the group, they will love and protect you forever, but it’s really hard to break into the bubble. The key to this meet is to dress like a news broadcaster (think pastel colored conservative outfit that is flattering but classy), wear minimal make-up, and be super, super nice. Pretend you’re there to serve them.  It doesn't matter if that’s not the real you, because the real you is not what they want to see. Be comfortable, but also be tense (if that’s even possible).

So dating a Korean guy can be amazing one moment and awfully confusing another. But like with any culture, being in a relationship requires work from both partners. Also, most problems can be overcome with appropriate communication. It’s just important to learn the “norms” of the dating eco-system your love subject is part of to avoid misunderstandings. 

Well, I hope you like today's blog post and if you have anything you are curious about Korean guys, leave it in the comment box below! 

( with a little bit of editing xx)

Petite Little Lady

 Where to find me :


Amaal said...

Dear, may i ask you to post something about k-pop stars or drama? Something like 'how they treat his fans?' Or 'is hard for a fan wanna meet their idol? Even fan come to their place?' Hehe its honor for me if you want to post something about habits of korean artist there hehe Thanksss dear, success always belongs to you ♥

Cynthia Ciputra said...

Dear Amaal, I'm not really into K-pop stuff so I probably won't make a post about that but still thanks for the comment ;) xx

Fransisca Oktaviani said...

Love ur post~
Happy to see ur love story.
Thanks for sharing.

from indonesia~
keep in touch.

Cynthia Ciputra said...

Dear Fransisca Oktaviani, thank you for reading! xx

Anonymous said...

Always like your feed :) me also have busan guy as my boyfriend. Most likely u said same with me. Mostly about how they make you feel so important and continously contacting you. It is like drugs :D But the differences is about celebrating the days. It's soo not him (or us in here) kkkkk. Thanks for sharing. Hoping u sharing more about things like this.. hihi.. bye..

Cynthia Ciputra said...

Dear Anonymous, Wow long last dear! And yes but I still think not every Korean guy are like this though. Thanks for reading! xx

My blog said...

Hi cy.. Nice blog, loved reading your blog also.. Anyway about contacting.. My one here also more than korean man lol.. I knew the feeling but at least he thinks of me all the time, hahahaa.. Keep posting, love to read it all.

Angelina said...

...jadi ngiri sama temenku yang di Korea ;_;
Ci, ada tips nyari cowok Korea dimana gak? #pengennya

Cynthia Ciputra said...

Dear Anonymous, Wow long last dear! And yes but I still think not every Korean guy are like this though. Thanks for reading! xx

Cynthia Ciputra said...

Dear Fransisca Oktaviani, thank you for reading! xx

Cynthia Ciputra said...

Dear Amaal, I'm not really into K-pop stuff so I probably won't make a post about that but still thanks for the comment ;) xx

Cynthia Ciputra said...

Dear My blog, thank you for reading xx

Cynthia Ciputra said...

Dear Angelina, hahaha cari cowo yg baik aja nationality ga penting kok hehe xx

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